The Bitter End vs. New Beginnings

            The Bitter End vs. New Beginnings

Swing Wide, oh Door of Disobedience!

The Lord told me not to marry the man I went and married anyway. I did it because I had a major trust deficiency. On the day of the joining, I felt like I was stepping off of a cliff into an abyss. And I was. The manifestation was immediate. I call it ‘the honeymoon from hell’, my friend.

Heads up! This may not go so well….

When we got to St. Thomas we quickly learned that we better pinch our pennies because just to get to food outside of the hotel restaurant required a taxi boat back and forth to the town, and breakfast was a fortune but all of that was manageable. It was when we saw that our bill was over charged by a humongous amount and would not be refunded until we got back to the states that I suspected a painfully prophetic experience was at the door!!

Down for the Count…

So there we were broke and headed to Virgin Gorda where, happily our package was paid for and we would not HAVE to have extra funds. When we arrived at the lovely resort (eerily  called The Bitter End) we found that they had not given us the right package and all of the fun things had been eliminated from our week (submarine, etc.). I didn’t have the spine to demand anything back then so it was what it was. It didn’t matter anyway because the first morning after we arrived as I lifted my head off of the pillow a major muscle in my neck snapped and I was down for the count! I was in so much pain it was almost unbearable. My now-ex (yes there is hope) went to inquire about medical attention only to find that there is one doctor for all of the islands and he only accepts cash. So that was out.

Slow Recovery

As the days passed and I slowly recovered, graduating from lying down flat to propped up to sitting on the veranda of our bungalow and being fed, I knew in my heart this was just the beginning. My now ex was having a great time. He spoke of how when he goes to eat in the outdoor restaurant the canaries lit upon him (I’m thinking his food) and the world was all as it should be. I suppose he would have enjoyed all of the features our package was supposed to have had if it were possible. And why not, really? Was it possible that I was cursed for my disobedience and he would have a completely different experience (I can tell you now, that was not to be). So I finally made it to the beach where I lay sucking down bright red alcoholic drinks we couldn’t afford as it was the only medication around! And finally on our last day I was determined to do SOMETHING that was not taken out of our package. This included a dinghy ride..yes just the two of us and a motor..and a trip to the baths.

A “Three Hour Tour….”

I was hurting but not nearly as bad and at least able to move around. We got into the tiny little boat and now-ex motored us out into the beautiful placid blue waters. A sea turtle came alongside us for a while, and I was finally able to smile. I patted him with my toes and watched him until he decided to turn back. I remember so well, taking a long deep breath and thanking God there was something to be salvaged from the affair, and as I looked up into the heavens…I saw the darkest cloud I have ever seen before or since. What? WHAT? Lightning tore out of it and the waves were way too much for our little boat. We tossed and turned in the torrential downpour, and turned to head for the docks just as the motor died. It freaking died, lol!! I would have shaken my head but my neck would not cooperate. So now-ex got out the oars, and did his almightiest to paddle us out of the 20 square feet of torrent that stirred over us. Yes, just us. The skies were lovely everywhere else. Kind of hard not to notice. As he paddled one of the oars broke in two. It was so awful and so hilarious, and I was on the edge of my literally riveting seat (as if watching this on a screen) wondering how in the haydoodle we were going to get out of this if that cloud continued to follow us around! It was ….well folks…it was surreal. When we finally, miraculously, by the grace of God made it back to the docks, the employees, native to the island, were completely indifferent. Yes,’ let the rich Americans die. They have paid’. *sigh* We stumbled onto the dock just in time to catch the taxi to the baths. Still wearing our violent experience and somewhat confused by the taxi, as it was an old pickup truck we were boarding the back of, we bounced and jerked all the way to the baths, my neck freshly relocating itself. The baths were nice, let’s go home.

There’s no Place like Home!

The following morning at 7:30 we boarded the back of the pickup truck for the chicken infested airport and after being charged a fee for having to wait, finally headed out to the “mainland” of St. Thomas. There our flight was delayed for many hours because it was sprinkling (oh, I won’t even go there). When we finally boarded our plane we sat until 9:30 that night. My neck was killing me as I sat in an incredulous stupor wondering what the church would think if I came home divorced. Yes…what the church and family would think. Sad but true although I never admitted it because I knew it was futile. And mind you, this is not to disrespect now ex. It is about disobeying…or more correctly distrusting a good and loving God who only wants the very best for His children.
Well, after an impromptu stop in Jamaica, we were finally on our way and made it to the Raleigh Durham airport by 2 am. Feeling like starved, dirty roughed up hostages who had just been released by a drug cartel we stumbled to our car…in the parking garage….where they wanted money…..or we couldn’t leave. *deep heavy sigh*. We went back into the airport to look for an ATM, assuming our money was back in the account… and EVERY ATM WAS OUT OF COMMISSION! I am not lying; I am telling the truth, God IS my witness. In the end now-ex told the man if he didn’t take a check that we were going to bust out of there. HAHAHAHAHA! He took the check. At that moment, for the first time now ex-was my hero. When we finally got home 5 hours later there was a vase of red roses and a bottle of champagne on the doorstep. I was a teetotaler before my honeymoon. Didn’t even have champagne at the wedding. I downed the bottle with frozen, leftover wedding food and slept for two days.

Sweet friends if you are making your own decisions about life and not letting God make them for you..please remember my honeymoon. And just try to imagine the rest of the series of unfortunate events that were to follow. NOT PRETTY.

Spine with Feet and Watered Bones; Carry on!

Of course God did not leave my side and through it all He has given me a spine and recently added feet! Not only that but dry bones are coming to life, slurping heavily on the watery truth that God wants me to be free in Him, meaning NO condemnation. Yes…He wants me to be happy, and it’s wonderful! I didn’t realize how convinced I had been of just the opposite…that I was being punished for directly disobeying Him, and was sentenced to a vow that didn’t even have His consent, NO. I was reaping what He had warned me about. He never left me or stopped loving me. And He had never condemned me to it. Sometimes divorce IS the answer.

“He Paid a Debt He did not Owe;  Owed a Debt I could not Pay, Christ Jesus…”

 I had a vision of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was sweating blood but He was looking at me…us…all of us. He saw what was coming down the pike. He saw it all. And that is when He made His choice to obey His Father. You know what? He didn’t do it HIS WAY. He asked that the cup be taken. After all, He was human. Not “only human” but human. But when he saw US; when he saw oppression; slavery, addiction, abortion and the list goes on and he saw us drowning in it…He made his choice. Why? Because when He looked again, He saw victory. He wanted to completely set us free of that law of sin and death which came through one man: Adam. And when Jesus put himself through that awful hell, He did it so that I wouldn’t have to. I am forgiven. I was forgiven before I screwed up so royally. I am free now to find out who I was meant to be as I walk side by side with the truest Lover of my Soul. You are free to take this walk as well. Until next time. I love you, God loves you and You must love you!